We meant to reserve a seat at a nicer restaurant.
We meant to dress up and look better-than-bedraggled for each other.
We meant to write romantic cards, give each other significant looks over dinner, and celebrate a marriage that has been everything we wanted and not quite what we expected--at the same time.
Three years with Bill have been a tremendous gift. HE is a gift to me. I feel lucky and blessed to be on the journey with him. I feel lucky and blessed to know he feels the same way.
So when we got derailed last week--into territory neither of us wanted to travel again, I think the caboose with all our lovely anniversary intentions never made it off the tracks with us.
Last night my sister called to wish me happy anniversary early; I had to think a beat to remember anniversary of WHAT?
We gave each other grace as we admitted to each other that we had "kind of" forgotten about it--that we had no cards or gifts or reservations. We admitted that we weren't faking a forget like people do for surprise parties, only to make the remembering sweeter.
And we said goodnight, Love.
Each on our side of the bed-- exhausted, heartsick.
Under other circumstances I might have worried that my marriage was showing signs of wear and tear.
I might have fretted that we weren't cherishing our moments enough, honoring the day "I do" became, "We will." Under other circumstances.
I got home from work today and Landon and Bill were out on the trail, enjoying summer's benefit of long daylight hours.
I found a card for me. An Anniversary card specifically, one he must have bought today.
Funny, sweet, kind. (Those card writers can really get it right!)
Here we are, sitting among the rubble of our derailed plans, still not sure how to get back on track, what track, or if we even want to get on a train. We're just trying to let some hurts heal before we ask too much of ourselves.
And he gets me a card anyway.
He tells me I'm cherished.
I'm not a defunct baby-carrier.
I'm the mother of our dear son,
I'm his wife.
And we will.
Happy Anniversary, Love.